Freed Proud Boys Leader Named White House Congressional Liaison
WASHINGTON D.C. - Pardoned from a 22-year prison sentence by President Trump after serving only a year and a half, Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio today was appointed White House Director of Legislative Affairs. In his new role, the man who organized a violent attack on the Capitol will return to the building to enforce President Trump's legislative goals.
"Who better?" mused Mr. Trump. "Some Senator doesn't vote our way? Tarrio will send the QAnon Shamon to poop on his desk. Trust me - you don't want any part of that Shamon poop."
Mr. Tarrio certainly knows how to motivate Congress into action. On January 6, 2021, his right-wing extremist Proud Boys pushed aside police barriers, attacked Capital police, and broke windows and doors, forcing their way into the Capital with the goal of - as Mr. Tarrio put it - "keeping Trump in power no matter what the law or the courts had to say about it." In response, members of Congress put on gas masks and hoods and evacuated to secure locations. Senator Chuck Schumer, Democrat of New York, admitted, "I've never seen anyone get Congress to act like that. It was very impressive. It honestly seemed like we all were gonna be beaten to death, so that's very motivating."
Supporters of Mr. Tarrio's new role with the White House say his extreme tendencies are exactly what's needed to drive Mr. Trump's agenda. According to Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, "it's one thing to get a call from the President asking for your vote. It's another thing when a pvc pipe breaks your office window."
The former Proud Boy leader's sole experience working with Congress was when he committed sedition against the nation. And in this effort, he was not successful. The attack on the Capitol did not, in fact, stop the peaceful transfer of power. But Mr. Trump felt his attempt was impressive enough to make Tarrio his Director of Legislative Affairs. Said Mr. Trump, "Maybe he didn't keep me in office on Jan 6. But he got close enough. Can’t wait to see what he does with the immigration bill."
At the time of this writing, Stewart Rhodes of the Oath Keepers Militia - who also conspired to attack the Capitol and was convicted, then pardoned, for sedition - is currently in discussions to join the U.S. Capital Visitors Center as a Tour Guide. His interview got off to a bad start when he entered the office by slamming a fire extinguisher through the side window and neutralizing the receptionist with bear spray. According to Rhodes, "I honestly had no idea the door was unlocked. My bad."
