Universities Add Degrees in Sweatshop Jobs and Athletic Sock Making
American Colleges prepare students for exciting time when Trump's global tariffs bring mundane manufacturing back to America
ANN ARBOR, MI - President Trump’s global trade war is meant to bring factory jobs and manufacturing back to America. And major American Universities are shifting focus so future graduates are ready.
The University of Michigan, once known for biomedical engineering and economics, is introducing undergraduate majors in sewing socks and hosiery. U-M also announced they are breaking ground on the new Trump Center for Label Embroidery. According to U-M’s President Dr. Santa Ono, “I may be a world class scientist, but times are changing. We are preparing for a world when our future University President is more likely to be an expert in stitching leather panels together to assemble basketball shoes.”
All the nation’s top Universities are getting on board, anticipating global tariffs will end all trade and whatever Americans use will be made within its borders:
The University of California at Los Angeles broke ground on the School of Basic Electronics Assembly, where students will learn how to rapidly secure tiny screws in smartphones until their eyes go permanently blurry.
Stanford University, among the most prestigious institutions in the U.S., launched what is sure to be the nation’s premiere undergraduate program in Purse and Garment Production.
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology is branching out from its usual focus on engineering, computer science, and physics. Starting Monday, they are introducing the College of T-Shirt Shrink Wrap, which will be on the cutting-edge of methods to rapidly wrap bulk clothing items at scale.
While students were excited about these new opportunities, not all intended to take the manufacturing path to a great life. This week, President Trump opened up another career option: coal mining. Mr. Trump signed executive orders expanding the mining and burning of coal in the United States, and undergrads can’t wait to don a hard hat and join the fun.
Bobby Rosen, a freshman at Duke accepted as a pre-Med student, decided to switch majors the moment he learned they would be offering a program in coal production. Said Rosen, “the opportunity to work in claustrophobic tunnels with black soot in my lungs, well, that’s real American work. Count me in.”
“These tariffs have given me a new dream for my future,” said Carly Miller, an undergrad at Boston University majoring in plastic molding for toy production. “Some day I will be able to open a bag of plastic zoo animals at CVS and look at the bottom of the mold and read the words ‘made in America’. And I will feel so proud knowing my tiny hands played a part in molding ten thousand of those things in the prime years of my life.”
